This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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