no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
