My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
