he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize