just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
