We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
