The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
