I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
