She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will be naked everywhere
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize