Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
