just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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