Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
