dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
