i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
