before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
