just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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