So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize