You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
