and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
