i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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