3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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