she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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