I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
