My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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