I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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