you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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