And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
