Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize