I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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