I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
