Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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