Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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