I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
