She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
