You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
