I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
