I'm so fucking centered right now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
