I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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