dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
