I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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