I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
