Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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