I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
