ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize