I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
