i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
