Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize