i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You smell like stripper and shame
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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