Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
