Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
