I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
