Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
