we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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