just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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