is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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