is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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