Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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