Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
