At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How does one acquire holy water?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
