Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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