there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
