If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
