I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
