Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
