I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
