Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
