the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
