Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
