Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
