well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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