my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
