no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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