Im at strip club and am horny
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
soo... how was my night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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