did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
