Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
