happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize