Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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