Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
