I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
