Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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