I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize