We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
