I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i barfeds in our rink
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
