Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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