Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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