I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize