Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
