DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
