we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
