i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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