SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
