He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize