we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
