If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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