Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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