It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
