im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
