it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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