I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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