Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
