I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize