he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
