I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
