This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
