saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
