so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
