grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
