He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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