what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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