They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
