i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
