I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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