I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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