I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
