so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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