There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
