I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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